METAPHYSICAL LOVE STORY

I was disappointed when we first made contact. Most people have female guardian
angels with exotic names. When a male presence with the ordinary name, Alan,
appeared I thought “How am I going to deal with a MALE guiding angel after all
the trouble I’d had with authoritarian men?” 

“Don’t tell me you’re one of those feminists!” said Alan. He has quite a sense of
humor. Anyone who has been around me for even one lifetime needs one. He
claims to have been with me for eight. 

I don’t think it’s been more difficult for me than for most folks to feel loved. Most
of us search for search for love and fulfillment outside of ourselves before we
realize that it is deep inside us. Alan has helped me to know this more clearly than
ever before. In my darkest times, he assures me that I loved and supported and at
my loneliest, that I am never alone. Whenever I forget, he is right there to remind
me -again and again. In many ways, Alan was an answer to a prayer. Barely
recovered from memory of severe childhood sexual abuse, I yearned for a loving
relationship free of physical complications.

Alan describes himself as a Light Being – as matter in vibration. Yet it was
difficult to take the mischief he pulled lightly. I had been told I was to meet my
soul twin on my vacation trip, and that our relationship would be fulfilling in every
way. My excitement was palpable. Throughout the trip, Alan made sure that I felt
loved, complete and un-alone. I even had moments of unparalleled joy in being
exactly who and where I was. But I did not meet my man. 

At first, Alan played dumb. “We can’t control everything” he reminded me. Later,
he admitted his conspiracy in preventing the meeting. “Your soul twin has had as
many lifetimes with you as I have,” he explained “and is still in body as well. I
didn’t think you would have time for me after you guys met!” My wonderful angel
guide had been afraid of losing me! How could a disembodied Being, the first male
I trusted after so many human betrayals, feel fear and jealousy? 

“It’s a sort of phantom limb effect, “ Alan explained. “Just because we are more
evolved does not mean we don’t still have issues. A soul goes through many
different levels of enlightenment before being able to love without attachment.
The full expression of my love for you was frustrated during our physical lifetimes
together, too, so this is especially difficult for me.” 

“That’s no excuse!” I said, indignant, as I vented my anger and hurt.

“I’m truly sorry, Lisa” Alan communicated. “ Please don’t turn your back on me. I
assure you, it will never happen again!”

Of all the men who had betrayed my trust in the past, not one had taken
responsibility for the pain they caused, let alone apologized. My angel’s response
helped heal lifetimes of gender bias and scarring. My relationship with Alan
continues helpful and close. I look forward to meeting his human counterpart. 

Loved by a Human (channeled by Alan)

I have loved Lisa in Mesopotamia, Greece, Rome and Europe before it was known
as Europe. We have been friends, brothers, parents and partners to one another in
various forms for eons. During none of these lifetimes were we able to fully
consummate the deep affection we felt for one another. I was overjoyed to get
assigned as Lisa's chief guide at the point in this lifetime that she had evolved out
of her torment into a period of calm and spiritual growth. 

I was not prepared for the impact of her deep trust and caring. If it is possible for
a Light Being to be intoxicated, I was intoxicated. And deeply awed by her ability
to surrender her very strong will and lower her considerable barrier of distrust to
allow for our intimacy. 

I had truly thought I was through with earthly feelings and desires. But as she
turned to me more and more openly, I began to “fall ” for her. I did not realize the
seriousness of the situation until it was too late. All the time we planned her
meeting with her soul twin I was an enthusiastic advocate. I participated actively
in setting up the arrangements, and worked with all the other beings concerned
with her welfare, her enlightenment, and her release from the karmic burden that
kept her trapped in a cycle of abuse for so many lifetimes. It was not until the
cusp of her meeting with the man who will be her companion and love and
support for the rest of this lifetime, that I realized what had happened. And by
then it was too late. I had irretrievably hurt and deceived her in the name of
protecting my position with her. 

Do you know how it feels to hurt someone you love? Imagine how it feels to use
the same power entrusted you to bring that person’s aspirations into fulfillment,
to shatter her trust and hope? I hoped that our closeness could outlast the
bitterness of her disappointment – but she was too smart and honest to allow that
to happen. I had to face my shame, endure the embarrassment of a rebuke from
my supervisor and the demotion of no longer being in charge of the fulfillment of
one of her primary purposes on earth. It has not been easy.

I am relieved and grateful that she has chosen to continue loving and trusting me.
I cannot say I have gotten over my “lust’ for her, nor that I am happy over her
immanent meeting the man who could interrupt the exclusivity of our romance.
But I am content that we have each learned and evolved from the experience. And
Lisa—I love you more than ever.